Have you been wanting to take pics but don’t know where to start? With Valentine’s Day approaching, I know boudoir and lingerie might be top of mind. It also may be chocolate – no judgement! Whether you’re single or attached, boudoir is a good way to challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and see yourself in a new light.
Between modeling for a few boudoir shoots of my own as well as assisting and styling others’ shoots, I have experience on both ends of the spectrum. Boudoir doesn’t have to be for anyone else but you. You don’t have to show a single soul your photos or you can hang them in your house a la Samantha on Sex in the City. When I was single, plus size boudoir was an act of self love where I gave myself permission to honor my body as it is. I also helped a newly divorced single mom find her sexy through boudoir.
Why it’s scary
From my I know that the idea of posing in your underwear with a stranger in front of a camera can be terrifying. Someone else controls how your body looks. You can’t rely on angles. It can feel like there’s no where to hide your insecurities. You will be forced to confront any feelings you have about your body in these photos. Your rolls will be on display in all their glory.
The reasons why boudoir is scary are exactly the same reasons why boudoir is liberating. It may seem like you’re not in control but owning your body as is actually makes for the ultimate power move. There’s no way to avoid the vulnerability but you can lean into it. Remember that vulnerability is a strength. Think about how powerful you’ll feel when you see how beautiful your images are. Body positive boudoir should remind you that you and your body are beautiful just as they are. I know it’s cliche but sexy is not one size fits all. Your photos won’t look like anyone else’s but they will be yours and that’s a great thing!
Also, in regards to the stranger looking at your body thing – remember this is their job. They look at bodies all of the time and a good body positive boudoir photographer sees the beauty in all bodies. That will show in the work that they do.
I wanted to take a few of the common questions about boudoir and share what I have learned over the years about how to feel comfortable doing body positive boudoir alongside my most recent boudoir pics with . I shot my first boudoir session with Amber and this year, I decided to add another element to my boudoir shoot: my fiance, Giovonni!
How do I avoid awkward boudoir pics?
As soon as we both changed, Gio went straight to the bed and laid right down cool as a cucumber. I sheepishly made my way to join Gio in the bed. I couldn’t believe I was so nervous. Since I have already done a few shoots, I thought I was going to have all of the plus size boudoir poses down to a science but with Gio there, things changed. Having my partner there forced me to be present. I couldn’t just rely on a fierce pose and a smize. I couldn’t perform sexy when I felt uncomfortable. I had to keep it real and that was really vulnerable.
This brings me to my first tip – be present. It will be easy to do what you think boudoir is supposed to look like. Challenge yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Are you nervous? Let out a laugh! Blushing? That’s cute! Gio was whispering sweet nothings about french fries and pretzels in my ears during most of this shoot. Hence, the giggles.
Amber always asks what kind of music I want her to put on and I always say Beyonce. Our song actually came on during this shoot which was a treat. It’s okay to ask the photographer to put on whatever music makes puts you in a good mood! You can even make a playlist of confidence pump-up style songs like Lizzo’s “Scuse Me” or sexy tracks like Beyonce’s “Dance for You.”
Can I ask to see my photos?
If you are worried you look silly, ask the photographer to show you a few of the images on their camera. Some photographers don’t like to do this because these images are unedited; however, I think for boudoir being able to see the images can be a confidence boost. Amber showed me the first few photos we took and I was put at ease instantly. Gio opted to not see them because he wanted to surprised.
I’ve had other boudoir photographers sit down with me and show me all of the raw images on a computer so I could pick my favorites. Before you book with a boudoir photographer, ask them what their policy is regarding seeing a preview and selecting photos. It’s okay to let a photographer push you out of your comfort zone, but it’s also okay to you to tell them your boundaries and stick to them. Remember, you are the client.
How should I pose for plus size boudoir photos?
For my previous plus size boudoir shoots, the photographers suggested traditional boudoir poses in addition to my own ideas. A good body positive boudoir photographer will not try to hide your body but instead they will highlight what you love about it. If you aren’t sure how to pose, you can rely on your photographer because they’ve done this before but if you have a firm idea of what you want – let them know!
For this shoot, Gio quickly became the creative director. He was full of ideas for poses and even added a few that made me blush. Amber also gave us suggestions on posing and it really felt like a collaborative effort. If there’s a shot you really want to try, insist on trying it. I’ve never been told no to a pose I suggested.
How do I find a body positive boudoir photographer?
One thing Gio has taught me when we were looking for wedding photographers was that if you don’t see any people of color, LGBTQ couples or plus size folks in their display photos that’s a red flag. The same principle applies for boudoir. If a photographer is comfortable shooting all skin tones, gender identities, and body types, they will show it in their work.
Ask to see their portfolio which should have the most diverse representation of their work. For boudoir, some of their models may not be comfortable be shared on social media so keep that in mind. Amber has been shooting boudoir for three years and as a fellow plus size babe, size diversity has always been a speciality of hers and her portfolio includes among many other plus size women.
For this shoot, our photographer Amber specifically asked for couples that weren’t thin, cis, and white. She gave us each a comfortable place to change and was conscious of Gio’s top surgery scars. She only shot what he was comfortable with. If he wanted to keep his shirt on the whole time, that would’ve been just fine.
Can I take my boudoir photos with my partner?
As evidenced by all these photos – heck yes! A couples boudoir shoot never really crossed my mind until I was engaged. When Amber said she was offering couples sessions now – I jumped at the chance! It’s not something that most boudoir photographers do but it’s a great way to get intimate with your partner. It captures a different side of your love than something like engagement photos. I cannot recommend Amber enough for a couples boudoir session so if you’re in the Northeast Ohio area, book with her y’all!
Having your partner there with you can help you feel more comfortable. I barely remembered the camera was there. It was just about me and Gio. Your photographer will definitely be your cheerleader during your shoot but if you want to have your partner there, that’s an additional person who knows you the best to say, “hey, babe you’re doing great!”
Where can I find plus size boudoir clothing?
I am a firm believer in wearing plus size lingerie that you love. If you like something basic, it’s okay to wear a simple cotton set you love. If you want that’s cool too! I have a few favorites brands including the ones that I wore here. My black lingerie set is the paired with the The red lingerie set is the Curvy Couture Rouge with matching . I will be doing a Curvy Couture plus size lingerie try-on over on my soon so make sure you are subscribed! I also added this over that set for a few of the shots. My plus size thigh highs are the polka dot style from Kix’ies. For reference, I wear a 3X on the bottom and a 40DD on top.
Have more questions about plus size or couples boudoir? Want to know the best plus size boudoir photographers in your area? Let me know in the comments below. I want you to see yourself in all of your sexy glory. YOU DESERVE IT BABE!
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